When I was confirmed as a Catholic, I chose Mary Magdalene as my confirmation saint. I felt an immediate connection to her. She had sinned so much…and was forgiven in even greater amounts. She knew she didn’t deserve forgiveness…but she received it anyway. And because of this, she clung to Christ. She knew she was nothing without Him.

I have also done my fair share of sinning. And I have also been forgiven much more than I deserve. I abused and betrayed women in the worst possible way. I convinced them to kill their children. Did I slit the necks of children after they were born? No. But, I was an accomplice to murder. Thousands of times…women I knew, women I didn’t, my friends, even my family. I lied to people. I lied to women when they came to me for accurate information. I was among the worst sinners…those that help to take and destroy life. I am no better than Kermit Gosnell.

I took my own children’s lives…twice. Not because I was coerced. Not because I didn’t know better. But because I thought children would be an inconvenience to my lifestyle. I am responsible for their deaths…no one else.

So when someone talks about Gosnell and says things like, “murderers and people like him don’t deserve to breathe the same air as I do,” or “I hope he burns in hell,” it hurts a little. Because that was me. But I am still here…breathing that same air…and trying to spend my life righting my wrongs. And it’s not just me. I know they hurt others like me, as well. People who have left the abortion industry and will work every day to recover from their sins. People who are still in the industry and think they will be shunned by the pro-life movement…maybe they would reach out to us if they knew we would accept them. I am always terrified that clinic workers will see some of the words from prolifers. I have been told by several former workers that they will NEVER come forward with their stories because they are so scared of how they will be treated by us…by US…the supposed “Christian” movement. Their fears are real AND legitimate.

I know some will say, “but you repented, that is the difference.” But what if I hadn’t…not yet. What if I was still inside the abortion industry? What if I was still an accomplice to murder? What if it took me longer to realize the truth? Do I deserve to die? Are we saying repentance is about our timing? Certainly, it is not about us. It about God and His perfect timing.

Right now, I shouldn’t be in this movement. I should be the COO of the 4th largest revenue generating Planned Parenthood affiliate in the country. I should be overseeing the largest abortion facility in the Western Hemisphere. I should be making 6 times the amount of money that I make in the pro-life movement. But I’m not. Why? Because of forgiveness. Because of mercy. Because of grace. Because of God. And because of REAL pro-lifers. The people I turned to accepted me for me…baggage and all. They knew that I was a broken person, and they loved me anyway. They knew I needed significant healing, and they helped to provide it.

I remember one story in particular which always makes me tear up when I think about it. One of the ladies, Karen, that immediately befriended me after I left Planned Parenthood was asked a question by a reporter. He asked her, “So, what was Abby like before she became pro-life? I mean, how nasty was she?” Karen’s answer was so genuine, and so Christ-like. She simply said, “I don’t remember that person. She is a new creation in Christ. I won’t talk about her past, I only want to talk about her future.” Wow. What grace. What forgiveness. She could have really spilled the beans on me, but she chose not to. Why? Because she truly loved me…and she always had, even while I was working at Planned Parenthood. She always believed the best in me, always believed that my conversion would happen.

It was Christ who changed me. It was the merciful and compassionate words of His people. It was no condemnation. It was not prayers that I would burn in hell. It was not those who yelled and called me names. It was the words of people like Karen. Those who prayed that I would, one day, walk out of that clinic. Those who had constant faith…even when that faith was a struggle to have. I am here because of THEM and because of their Christ-like witness.

Don’t we want that for every abortion clinic worker and abortion provider? Don’t we want that for Kermit Gosnell? I smile every time I imagine his conversion. What a heavenly victory that will be! Can it happen? If you say no, then you do not know the God that I do. My God is in the business of miracles. And my God does not want anyone to suffer in hell. He wants ALL of his children to come to him…yes, even those of us “monsters” that are in or have been in the abortion industry.

Hate comes from hell. Mercy comes from Christ. When we have hate in our hearts, our spirits are damaged. Be careful with your words. Not only are you a living witness of Christ and His truth, but you could put your own soul at risk. “Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.” 1 John 3:15 When we hate, we are no better than those who kill.

I am not the sweetest person. I’m not the one who catches all the flies with honey…sometimes I am all vinegar. What do you expect? You expect the most tender hearted to work in the abortion industry? Maybe we aren’t like all of you. Maybe we aren’t the most kind-hearted. Maybe you don’t understand how we could do what we have done. But those of us that leave…we are fighters. We are willing to take hits for our former sins. We are willing to stand up in places that are uncomfortable. We are willing to be bruised by others because we know that we have to…we know that will be the price we pay…it just hurts more when the bruises come from those who should be rejoicing in our repentance. We are passionate. We don’t waste time beating around the bush…not when it comes to life…especially the lives that we helped take.

Those of us that have worked in the industry all live our lives with a constant burden. One that will not be free from us until we reach heaven. We can’t let our burden slide off of our shoulders…it is what keeps us on fire. It reminds us of why we fight so hard. We have seen death and evil in a way that most haven’t…and we participated. We are forgiven.

So, should I be able to “breathe the same air as you?” That’s not really up to me to decide. But if you say things like that, know that a small piece of our heart is broken, and I have to believe that it grieves Christ. But even if you break our hearts, we forgive you. Even if you bruise us, we forgive you. He who has been forgiven much, loves much. And we love a lot. I am eagerly awaiting the day when I can call Kermit Gosnell a former and REPENTANT abortion provider.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/114248825/and-then-there-were-none-pro-life

Just four years ago, I sat in this room. I was listening to keynote speeches for the Planned Parenthood Annual Conference. I listened and cheered as we were given strategies to increase our abortion numbers. I cried as I listened to Dr. George Tiller recount story after story of how he has been threatened by “anti-choicers.” I clapped as awards were given. I felt a sense of pride as I watched abortion doctors present their strategies on abortion techniques. I was a part of this. I was a fighter…a fighter for women’s rights. A defender of women.

Now I sit here, in this same room, and listen as women stand and talk about how their lives were ruined by abortion. I look at the faces of babies whose lives were saved because these “anti-choicers” cared about them and wanted the very best for their lives. Their lives…the very thing I was trying to take away. I am still a defender of women. But now, I also defend their children.

I left Planned Parenthood on October 6, 2009. It is an important day for me. It is the day my life changed…the day I became new again.

I have noticed many familiar things on this side “of the fence.” I attend pro-life events and see the familiar pro-choice protestors. However, this time, I am inside the building, instead of outside with a homemade sign. I see women going into abortion clinics with the same, familiar burdensome look on their faces. But now, instead of counseling them on why they should have an abortion, I am counseling them from the sidewalk on why abortion is not the best choice for them. So many familiar things, except for one. Unity.

When I worked at Planned Parenthood, I was subscribed to most of the pro-life national group listserves. Every day, emails would flood in about how “this idea was going to be the one to take down the abortion industry.” Then another would come, “No, this is the best idea!” We would all just sit back and laugh. “These pro-lifers will never get it together,” we would say. “They expect to take down our industry when they can’t even all get on the same page!” We would read these emails and feel very secure in our employment. We will never be taken down…we are too big…we are everywhere…we are in their schools, in their churches, in their communities…they can’t stop us. We would giggle with pride. We were united in our common cause. We would keep abortion legal at any cost.

And so it was for 8 years of my life. I loved my co-workers. I loved the cause I stood for. I’ve never known that type of unity. To be a part of something like that was exhilarating. We fought together. We supported each other. We stood together…always.

When I left Planned Parenthood, I was honestly worried about leaving that sense of community behind. Would I ever fit into a group like that again? Surely I would. We are talking about the pro-life movement…the “Christian” movement. Christians love each other! They support each other! We will now work together to support women AND their children. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how wonderful it was going to be. Well, I’m still imagining.

I have to sit back and laugh…when I worked at Planned Parenthood, I received death threats from “pro-lifers.”  Now that I am out, I still receive death threats from “pro-lifers.”  I’m not sure what they want from me.  They didn’t like it when I was in, they don’t like it now that I am out.  I watch groups bicker over which legislation is the “best.”  I have seen pro-life groups and initiatives be sabotaged by other pro-life groups.  If one pro-life person doesn’t agree with another pro-lifer’s opinion, then they have “lost respect for you.”  I see an incredible amount of division within the Protestant/Catholic prolife community.  The wonderful group, PLAGAL, has never been allowed to have an outward presence at the National March for Life in DC…why?  Because they don’t fit into the stereotypical pro-life box?  I have been uninvited from pro-life events as a speaker because I am now Catholic.  I just saw a pro-life person on Facebook today ridiculing those who call themselves “abortion abolitionists”…simply because he doesn’t believe some of us are worthy of the title.  I hear constant condescension because I am “so new” to the movement and obviously don’t know what I am talking about…unless they agree with me…then I know SO MUCH about what we should be doing.

Why all the infighting? Aren’t we all fighting for a common cause? It seems like we aren’t. It seems like we are fighting against each other. And at whose expense? The unborn.

I have always been a love me or hate me kind of gal. I am overly passionate. I was overly passionate about abortion rights…and now, am even more so about the unborn and their mothers. I spent 8 years of my life lying to myself, and more devastating, lying to others. I know I am sometimes hard to handle…my mom would say I’ve been that way since I was born. And while I appreciate the fact that many do not agree with me and others on many issues, does that mean that it is necessary to tear each other down? Why do we do this so often in the pro-life movement?

Please understand that I am not talking about accountability. Accountability is very important. Romans 16:17-18 talks about this. There will be false prophets, those that come to destroy. We must divide from them. There are certainly those in the pro-life movement. There are organizations that seem to have no real desire to end abortion. We must divide from them. There are organizations who promote violence as a means to end abortion. We must divide from them. There are organizations that seek to destroy anyone who doesn’t agree with their ideas. We must divide from them.

All of the pieces of our pro-life puzzle have come together. We have solid legislative efforts to end abortion. We have thousands of pregnancy centers to help women and families who are experiencing a crisis pregnancy. We have peaceful activists out on the sidewalks witnessing to women walking into abortion clinics. We now have an outreach to abortion clinic workers. The pieces are there…can we work together to end this atrocity?

You may not like my approach, and I may not like yours…but I will support you if you are trying to save the unborn through peaceful means. We don’t always have to agree, but we should always pray for each other, we should always build one another up, we should always unite for the unborn.

I look forward to the day when I can look upon the pro-life movement and say joyfully, “Yes, this unity feels familiar.”

Heather’s next question was a pretty obvious one…had the mega church, a few hundred feet away, offered to help her? Instead of asking the woman and putting her on the spot, Heather decided to go and ask the church if they knew anything about the woman. She was startled at the response. “Well, one of our members took her to the Target Café to share the Gospel with her.” So, no material assistance was offered for her or her baby? No resources offered for where she could receive assistance? No phone calls made to maternity homes or pro-life groups in the area? “No,” the woman responded. “Just the meeting at Target to talk about the Lord.”

Well, isn’t that fantastic. I’m sure the Gospel will her find a hospital to deliver her baby in. I’m sure the Gospel will help her with food to nourish her body during the last few weeks of her pregnancy. I’m sure the Gospel will help keep her safe from harm as she sleeps outside night after night. Their answer made me disgusted. How can we expect to nourish someone spiritually when their physical needs aren’t met? How can we expect someone to be receptive to the Gospel when they go physically hungry during the day? How can we expect someone to believe in the mighty power of Christ when they don’t know if they will be forced to deliver their baby in an alley somewhere? This is Christianity? This is how we treat those in need of help? Certainly not. That is not what faith is about. James clearly states that “faith without works is dead.” What is faith if we are not willing to step out of our comfort zone and get our hands dirty in service to Christ? We are called to be the “hands and feet of Christ,” right? That means service to those who need him…not just words…actions.

When we say we are pro-lifers, what does that mean? Does it mean that we just don’t like abortion? Or does it mean that we are willing to go that extra step? Are we willing to take a young pregnant woman into our home to care for her when she has no one else? Are we willing to give sacrificially to those who have nothing? Are we willing to set our superficial judgment aside and truly be Christ like? Are we willing to show mercy when others condemn? Are we willing to get our hands dirty?

Being pro-life isn’t always pretty. And it’s not just about “saving babies.” It is about saving the person…the woman, the baby, the man involved, the family. It is sometimes about putting someone else’s needs above our own. It is about stepping out of the comfortable and moving into a place that is unfamiliar.

Is it comfortable to talk about abortion? Not always. Do people always want to hear about it? Not usually. But silence breeds apathy, and that is what we are soaked in. APATHY. The greatest breeding ground for apathy seems to be in our churches. Why is that? It’s not like the sanctity of human life isn’t ALL OVER Scripture. It isn’t as if God didn’t make it pretty clear that life is sacred. We aren’t scared to talk about a slew of other “hot button” issues…but we tend to be silent on the number one issue that has invaded our churches. According to the Guttmacher Institute, seventy-two percent of women seeking abortions come from the church. I actually think that number is low. We performed very few abortions on women who proclaimed to be atheists or agnostic. No, many of them brought their bibles and/or rosaries to their abortion appointments. Many would ask if we would pray with them before the abortion procedure began.

APATHY. It is what keeps these church going women coming to the abortion clinics over and over again. The churches are silent. The majority of clergy are silent. And their silence is DEAFENING! By not speaking up they are telling those in their congregation who are suffering in silence that their sin of abortion is TOO BIG for God. That is a LIE. Clergy who are silent on this issue are not doing any one any favors. They are doing their congregation an incredible disservice. With seventy-two percent of abortions coming from the church, a sermon once a year during the Sanctity of Human Life month is not enough!! People are hurting! They are in desperate need of healing and they have no idea where to go because the church is silent. We have become so concerned with “offending” others that we have forgotten about how much our apathy offends God.

If you are in a church where your pastor/priest actively speaks on the sanctity of human life, I encourage you to thank him, and thank him often. It is not easy, but it is right. If you are not hearing the message of abortion and healing from the pulpit, I strongly urge you to go to your pastor and ask why. Share why this is important to you. Share these statistics with them. Share your heart. Just because your pastor is silent doesn’t mean you have to be. Stand up for life. Stand up and speak up. Lives are depending on it. It is time for the church to STAND UP.

So, back to the attention getter. I always like to see the names of the high rollers who are listed as the “co-chairs” of the event. These are donors who give tens of thousands of dollars to the affiliate and are therefore asked to put their name down on the invitation. They usually have some sort of status among the elite local community. Name recognition is important when you are trying to raise over a million dollars at one event. I scrolled through the invitation and there it was, a name that was VERY familiar to me. Jeff Smisek.

That name may not ring a bell to you. But I know it well. I spend most of my life on airplanes. Before every take off we get a little safety demonstration. If we are lucky enough to be on a decent sized plane, that demonstration is shown on a video. I personally prefer to fly on airlines that are in the “Star Alliance.” Some of those include United, US Airways, and Lufthansa. I am a million mile flyer with this program, which comes with a few perks. Because of this, I try to stick with United when I travel. When the United safety demonstration video begins, a message from the CEO comes on first. He is thanking us for traveling on United and talks about how image is so important to his airline. That man’s name? Jeff Smisek.

I almost couldn’t believe what I saw on this invitation. Surely not. Surely not MY Jeff Smisek! Surely not the CEO of my favorite airline!! Let it be a lie!!! He was actually listed with someone else, a lady named Diana Strassmann. http://www.ppaction.org/site/Calendar?id=102855&view=Detail.  Hoping there was someone else with the name, Jeff Smisek, I googled both of their names together to see what I would find. Well, they are married. And Jeff Smisek, CEO of United and Jeff Smisek, co-chair of Planned Parenthood’s annual gala are one in the same.

Now I was disappointed…and angry. And I am doing something about it. Jeff Smisek runs the second largest airline in the world. And now he is co-chairing an event for the LARGEST ABORTION CLINIC IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE. This abortion clinic’s goal is to perform at least 75 abortions, 6 days a week. They intend to perform abortions up to 25 weeks gestation. And THAT is what the CEO of United Airlines stands for.

Well, this million mile flyer has had enough. It is time to expose Jeff Smisek for who he really is. He is helping to kill the most defenseless among us. And apparently, he is PROUD to do it! He has his name plastered on their invitation! I am taking a stand against United. Will you stand with me? Will you say NO to United Airlines? This one clinic ALONE in Houston is killing over 23,000 babies per year!!! THAT is what Jeff Smisek is supporting. Jeff says United Airlines cares about their image…well, let’s see how much they care. Let’s get this message sent out far and wide. On my website at www.abbyjohnson.org, I have included a sample “letter to the editor” that you can send in to your local paper. Share this article on your blog. Share it on your Facebook and Twitter. We need to hold these people accountable. Our voices DO make a difference…and our dollars DEFINITELY make a difference! Stand against Jeff Smisek! Stand against United Airlines!   Email Jeff Smisek today and share your disgust.  jeff.smisek@united.com.

Letter to the Editor
Planned Parenthood Gulf Coast, located in Houston is the 4th largest Planned Parenthood affiliate in the United States. They run the largest abortion clinic in the Western Hemisphere. This clinic’s goal is to perform at least 75 abortions, 6 days a week. That totals over 23,000 abortions per year. And they terminate pregnancies up to 25 weeks gestation…that is babies over 6 months old.

So, you can imagine the surprise I felt when I found out that the CEO of United Airlines, Jeff Smisek, was “co-chairing” this particular affiliate’s annual gala in Houston, Texas. www.ppaction.org. When flying on United, you will often see a video of the safety demonstration on television monitors throughout the plane. Before the demonstration begins, Jeff Smisek will come on and thank you for flying and tell you that “image” is very important to his airline. Well, let’s see if that is really true. Myself, along with thousands of other pro-lifers across the country, are taking a stand against United Airlines. Jeff Smisek runs the second largest airline in the world. And now he is co-chairing an event for the LARGEST ABORTION CLINIC IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE. Enough is enough. It is time to expose Jeff Smisek for who he really is. He is helping to kill the most defenseless among us. And apparently, he is PROUD to do it! He has his name plastered on their invitation! I am taking a stand against United. Will you stand with me? Will you say NO to United Airlines? Our voices DO make a difference…and our dollars DEFINITELY make a difference! Stand up for life!  Email Jeff Smisek today and share your disgust.  jeff.smisek@united.com.

This ministry needs your help! In order to assist these clinic workers and help convert many more, we need both prayerful and financial support. The biggest challenge we face is being able to financially help these abortion workers transition out of the industry of evil.

This is how pro-lifers can truly be active in their convictions: prayerfully considering a donation to ATTWN. There is no donation is too small. Please help us help these abortion clinic workers convert to the side of life. Any amount is generous and greatly appreciated.  To donate or find out more information, please visit www.attwn.org.

We were being told that we had all been guilty of fraudulent billing to the state and federal government. We didn’t even know that we had been participating in the fraud. We were all sitting there in silence. What did this mean? Were we in trouble? Could we potentially get in trouble? So, I broke the silence. I simply asked, “What are we going to do about the money we shouldn’t have received?” The response, “We are going to hope we don’t get caught.” But…”What if we do get caught? Can we be held responsible?” She then went into a long story about a similar situation she had once been in at a clinic where she once worked. The moral of the story was, yes, we could all be held responsible…but not to worry, “we” wouldn’t get caught.

A couple years later, I left Planned Parenthood. I talked to several attorneys about that meeting. I knew what I had been involved in was wrong, and I knew Planned Parenthood needed to be held accountable. That meeting had nothing to do with pro-life or pro-choice issues; this was about our tax dollars and fiscal responsibility. So, I decided to come forward with the information I knew and am now involved in a lawsuit against Planned Parenthood.
I often think about the people I worked with at Planned Parenthood. When this case goes to court, can they be held accountable? Yes. Can they be put in jail for this fraudulent activity? Yes. Is that a scary thought? Absolutely.
When I look back, I realize just how shocking and disrespectful Planned Parenthood was. You can see how much they value their personnel. “We are going to hope we don’t get caught”…but if we do, we will throw you under the bus instead of correcting our mistake.

So, maybe you are currently a clinic worker. Maybe you are aware of fraudulent activity taking place at your facility. Maybe it is happening and you don’t even know about it. We just recently saw videos exposed by Live Action that show clinic workers knowingly breaking the law. Has that been you? Can you really trust your employer, the abortion industry? This is the same industry that has multiple lawsuits pending (all brought on by former clinic workers) that allege fraud. This is the same industry that is currently under Congressional investigation because of suspected misdeeds. This is the same industry that has been caught again and again by Live Action and other groups breaking the law and deliberately lying to patients. These are the people you trust? You think they are loyal to you? Think again. Just months before I left Planned Parenthood, I had received their “Employee of the Year” award. Three weeks after I left, I was sitting in a court fighting against the people I once called my closest friends. You’ve heard the saying, “There is no honor among thieves.” Well, there is even less honor in the abortion industry.

You may hear things from your supervisors like, “Oh, those Live Action videos are a hoax.” Why don’t you check it out for yourself? We always post unedited video on our site, www.liveaction.org. If they are indeed a “hoax” then why do these clinics always fire the employees involved in the videos? I understand tolerance and acceptance, but those two things do not require law breaking…which is what we see over and over again. I remember watching one video…I heard the clinic workers say, “We don’t judge here. We accept people from all walks of life.” I could almost hear my voice making that statement. The clinic worker was reassuring a pimp and a prostitute that their illegal sex trafficking ring was “safe” with Planned Parenthood. You see what we have done? We have forgotten who we are working to protect. We have allowed the idea of “tolerance” to cloud our judgment of right and wrong. I suspect you have run into similar situations at your clinic…I know I did. Did you brush them off under the idea that ‘you are a tolerant person’ or did you do the right thing and stand up against what you saw? I bet you let “tolerance” and “acceptance” get the best of you.

Are you willing to take the fall for your job? Are you willing to go to prison for this industry? If not, then we can help. You don’t have to feel trapped. There is a way out and it is called “And Then There Were None.” It is an organization to help you leave the abortion industry. We provide 4 streams of assistance.

- Up to three months of financial support after a worker resigns and help with job placement
- Emotional support during the transition time
- A spiritual advisor of the former worker’s choosing
- Free legal counsel to protect the worker’s interests during transition

There is no reason to stay in the abortion field if you want out…and we have a strong desire to help you. You deserve better than the abortion industry. You deserve to work somewhere where you are valued and respected. Let us help. www.attwn.org.

Abby Johnson will discuss her newfound ministry, “And Then There Were None,” that reaches out to current and former abortion workers by offering financial, legal, emotional, and spiritual support as clinic workers transition out of the abortion industry and into a new line of work.  So far, seventeen abortion clinic workers have contacted her wanting out of the abortion industry—and this is only the beginning.

You won’t want to miss this webcast.  Register now at ExposingTheLie.com to secure your spot for this groundbreaking event.

For more information about our new clinic worker ministry, please visit, www.attwn.org.

FORMER PLANNED PARENTHOOD DIRECTOR LAUNCHES MINISTRY FOR ABORTION WORKERS

No more abortion clinic workers.
No more abortion clinics.
No more abortions.

AUSTIN, TEXAS— On June 4, 2012, former Planned Parenthood abortion clinic director Abby Johnson launched the official website for And Then There Were None, a nonprofit organization that ministers specifically to abortion clinic workers.  ATTWN will emotionally, spiritually, legally, and financially assist former abortion clinic workers as they transition out of the abortion industry and into a new line of work.

“We have hundreds of ministries for post-abortive women and men.  There is literally nothing for these former clinic workers,” Johnson said.  “We are going to change that.”

ATTWN seeks to assist former abortion clinic workers through these four integral aspects: emotional, spiritual, legal, and financial.  Emotional support will be readily available for these former clinic workers as they need it.  They will be connected to a spiritual guidance counselor of any religious denomination of their choosing for the process of spiritual healing. Full legal protections of an attorney will be available to former clinic workers at no cost.  They will obtain financial support as they receive assistance in finding a new job outside of the abortion industry.

Aside from prayer, the most crucial aspect of this new ministry is garnering funds so these clinic workers can literally afford to leave the abortion industry and still be able to provide for themselves and their families.  This is where pro-lifers can truly be active in their convictions: as there is no other outreach program like this one, it will need support.

“It is not always easy to convince people to give to a ministry where you may never meet the people you help,” Johnson said.  “You may never know their names. You may never see them face to face. But your support is saving them…saving them from a road of darkness, of pure evil. Your support is bringing them into hope.”

Join ATTWN for their first international webcast to hear testimonials from former abortion clinic workers and how you can help support this new ministry.  You may go to www.exposingthelie.com to register for the webcast on June 11, 2012 at 7pm. 

If you or someone you know wants to leave the abortion industry, there is free, confidential help available.  Visit www.attwn.org to contact ATTWN and receive guidance and assistance through your transition out of the abortion industry— every step of the way.

When I was confirmed as a Catholic, I chose Mary Magdalene as my confirmation saint. I felt an immediate connection to her. She had sinned so much…and was forgiven in even greater amounts. She knew she didn’t deserve forgiveness…but she received it anyway. And because of this, she clung to Christ. She knew she was nothing without Him.

I have also done my fair share of sinning. And I have also been forgiven much more than I deserve. I abused and betrayed women in the worst possible way. I convinced them to kill their children. I was an accomplice to murder. Thousands of times…women I knew, women I didn’t, my friends, even my family. I lied to people. I lied to women when they came to me for accurate information. I was among the worst sinners…those that help to take and destroy life.

I took my own children’s lives…twice. Not because I was coerced. Not because I didn’t know better. But because I thought children would be an inconvenience to my lifestyle. I am responsible for their death…no one else.

So when someone says things like, “murderers don’t deserve to breathe the same air as I do,” it hurts a little. Because that was me. But I am still here…breathing that same air…and trying to spend my life righting my wrongs. And it’s not just me. I know they hurt others like me, as well. People who have left the abortion industry and will work every day to recover from their sins. People who are still in the industry and think they will be shunned by the pro-life movement…maybe they would reach out to us if they knew we would accept them.

I know some will say, “but you repented, that is the difference.” But what if I hadn’t…not yet. What if I was still inside the abortion industry? What if I was still an accomplice to murder? What if it took me longer to realize the truth? Do I deserve to die? Are we saying repentance is about our timing? Certainly, it is not about us, it about God and His perfect timing.

Right now, I shouldn’t be in this movement. I should be the COO of the 4th largest revenue generating Planned Parenthood affiliate in the country. I should be overseeing the largest abortion facility in the Western Hemisphere. I should be making 6 times the amount of money that I make in the pro-life movement. But I’m not. Why? Because of forgiveness. Because of mercy. Because of grace. Because of God.

I am not the sweetest person. I’m not the one who catches all the flies with honey…sometimes I am all vinegar. What do you expect? You expect the most tender hearted to work in the abortion industry? Maybe we aren’t like all of you. Maybe we aren’t the most kind-hearted. But those of us that leave…we are fighters. We are willing to take hits for our former sins. We are willing to stand up in places that are uncomfortable. We are willing to be bruised by others because we know that we have to…we know that will be the price we pay…it just hurts more when the bruises come from those who should be rejoicing in our repentance. We are passionate. We don’t waste time beating around the bush…not when it comes to life…especially the lives that we helped take.

Those of us that have worked in the industry all live our lives with a constant burden. One that will not be free from us until we reach heaven. We can’t let our burden slide off of our shoulders…it is what keeps us on fire. It reminds us of why we fight so hard. We have seen death and evil in a way that most haven’t…and we participated. We are forgiven.

So, should I be able to “breathe the same air as you?” That’s not really up to me to decide. But if you say things like that, know that a small piece of our heart is broken. But even if you break our hearts, we forgive you. Even if you bruise us, we forgive you. He who has been forgiven much, loves much. And we love a lot.