My Biggest Mistake

Recently, I was asked by a college ministry to write about my one biggest mistake. I’ve been racking my brain to try and narrow it down to JUST one. I mean, let’s be honest, I’ve made a lot of them. Then, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. My biggest mistake was immodesty. Immodesty in the way I dressed, immodesty in my behavior, and immodesty in my words.

I really didn’t start living an immodest lifestyle until I went to college. After all, when I lived under my parent’s roof things were very controlled. When I went to school I lived by the standards I chose because I could.. I was able to dress however I wanted, I could speak however I wanted, I could behave however I wanted.

So, I did.

I started by dressing immodestly, which led me to an unhealthy desire for attention from men. In turn, that led to a lot of partying. The partying led to tons of drinking, which of course, led to bad decision making. Part of my bad decision making led to becoming sexually active with guys that I dated (maybe). Eventually, all of that sex led to an unplanned pregnancy.

That unplanned pregnancy led to my first abortion. Since I had sufficiently justified the sin of my abortion I was eager to work inside the abortion industry, which only furthered my sins and justifications. Now, I shared this dirty secret with a man who was a complete loser. Not only did we share that secret, but we shared a bond through sexual intimacy.

I mistakenly took that sexual bond for love and ended up marrying him. Since my new husband didn’t respect God, me, or sex, he ended up cheating on me. That led to a quick (Hollywood type) marriage, which ended in divorce. Even though the marriage was never good from the beginning, I heartbroken nonetheless. At that point, I carried the label “divorcee” with me wherever I went. That led to embarrassment.

That embarrassment led to panic when I found out I was pregnant with my ex-husband’s child. Since I couldn’t stand him and I didn’t want anything to do with him, I decided to have another abortion. By this point, I had already been immersed in the Planned Parenthood abortion culture. That second abortion only deepened my resolve for the “right to choose.” That deepened resolve led me to quickly rise through the ranks of our country’s largest abortion provider, Planned Parenthood.

See there? See how my life could have been totally different? Hindsight is 20/20.

Don't get me wrong, I’m not the type of gal who sits around and focuses on the “what ifs.” In the end, those don’t matter. What really matters is what you do with your life once come to the realization of how wrong you have been.

But, let’s just go there for a sec. What if I had protected my body, my mind, and my heart from immodesty?

It’s possible I wouldn’t have ever engaged in that sexual relationship that led me to becoming pregnant in the first place. It wouldn’t have led me to the abortion clinic. And, maybe if I hadn’t chosen abortion, I wouldn’t have felt compelled to work in the abortion industry. And, then maybe I wouldn’t have participated in taking the lives away from 20,000 unborn babies.

Who knows? Maybe it wouldn’t have mattered. My guess, is if I would have respected myself more, if I had valued my sexuality, I wouldn’t have become entangled in those situations in the first place.

I don’t want to lecture or scold you. And, I don’t want you to think that you have to dress and act like some socially awkward homeschooled kid. Just be mindful. Who are you trying to attract with your clothing, your behavior, and your words?

This isn’t just a lesson for women, either. You aren’t getting off the hook here, guys. Women dress and behave like they do primarily because that’s what they think YOU want. Show them that you want something different. Show them that you want a woman who is virtuous, who strives for modesty, who lives to please God over man. I bet that if men changed the way they acted towards women, women’s behavior would also change. Just a thought.

I am incredibly blessed with a wonderful husband and four amazing kiddos. I have a job that I love. I couldn’t ask for a better life. However, my life is also filled with the mistakes from my past, mistakes that I will live with for the rest of my life.

Seek better things. Seek Godly things. Seek honorable things. Don’t waste your life trying to conform to society. It’s much cooler to be different anyway.