How to Get Hired at Planned Parenthood...For Real

Recently, Cosmopolitan Magazine (otherwise known as Planned Parenthood’s pimps) put out yet another article promoting Planned Parenthood. This time, they talked to a human resources manager so she could give people advice on how to get hired at a Planned Parenthood facility. My first thought was, “Wow. This is pathetic.” My second thought was, “Wow. They must be desperate for employees.” I worked for a Planned Parenthood facility for 8 years. I was the clinic director, so I was also responsible for hiring and firing employees. Human resource work was an everyday part of my routine.

The Cosmo article was written in a Q&A format. I found some of Planned Parenthood’s answers to be a little less than honest. So, since I worked for Planned Parenthood for so long and ran the inside of their abortion and family planning clinics, I thought maybe I could give a more thorough and honest answer to people who may be looking into employment with the organization.

First, you should know that Planned Parenthood is the largest provider of abortions in our country, which means they deliberately take the lives of more people than any other entity. They say that it takes a certain amount of “passion” to work inside their organization, but really it just takes willful ignorance to pretend that you are helping women by killing their children.

Now for the questions.

1. What qualities do you look for in every candidate?

Planned Parenthood is looking for vulnerable people, primarily women, to work for them. They REALLY love single moms because they are just desperate to put food on the table and will do pretty much anything to take care of their children, even if it means compromising their own values. They are looking for people to stay long term with their organization, because let’s be honest, these former Planned Parenthood employees are always so willing to spill the beans on all of their corrupt practices, and that is REALLY annoying for them. They just want timid people who will keep their mouths shut about the dirty things they see there. Timidity is important because if you do ever leave them, they will send a really threatening letter to your home that states they will take you to court if you ever talk about what you have seen since working with their organization. They need that letter to scare you into silence.

2. How often do you hire new people?

Planned Parenthood has one of the highest turnover rates in the country. So the answer to that question is basically all the time. People are constantly coming and going. You may get a job at a clinic and after the first six months, work with an entirely different group of people. So I hope you aren’t looking to get into this job to make friends. As soon as you get to know someone, they will leave. It’s hard to keep people around when you kill babies for a living.

3. What do you expect candidates to know about the company before an interview?

Honestly, you don’t have to know anything. They are so desperate for employees, they will usually hire you right there on the spot. With their high turnover rate, they can’t be very picky.

4. Where do you recruit candidates?

Well, because Planned Parenthood thrives off of vulnerable women, they usually do most of their recruitment from college campuses. If they can convince you to quit school and just work for them full-time, that is even better. Because you don’t need any sort of degree to work for Planned Parenthood anyway (we will get to that in a minute). They also do a lot of recruiting in poor neighborhoods. Remember that I told you they really like preying on single moms. They post bright colored ads in Laundromats, community centers, WIC offices, Medicaid offices, etc. Wherever vulnerable women are, so is Planned Parenthood.

5. How do you use social media for recruiting potential employees?

They don’t. They only use social media to promote their false agenda…and to promote all of these other groups that love abortion as much as they do. They won’t talk about abortion at all on social media. They don’t want their followers to wise up and realize that Planned Parenthood is really only interested in pushing and selling abortion. So they talk about benign topics such as obtaining tax funded birth control or getting tested for STDs. But remember, according to Planned Parenthood’s booklet “Healthy, Happy and Hot”, if you have an STD, even HIV, you totally don’t have to worry about disclosing your status to anyone you plan to have sex with (page 3).

6. What types of jobs are available for recent graduates?

Oh, there are so many to choose from. They can train you how to normalize abortion to women who come in for “options counseling.” They can train you to be a POC (products of conception) technician. That job consists of piecing the parts of aborted babies back together to ensure women don’t get a fatal infection. They can teach you how to bill fraudulent charges to Medicaid and other federal and state programs. They can definitely teach you to how to sell abortion better than a slick-haired used car salesman can sell you a clunker. They can teach you all of the fun lingo that comes with working in an abortion clinic. For example, the staff always jokes that POC stands for “parts of children.” And the freezer where we stored all of the dead babies was called “the nursery.” They will train you how to completely dodge the risks of abortion, stating that they don’t want to “scare women” by giving them all of the facts. They will also teach you how to conveniently fail to mention all of the side effects from the hormonal birth control that they shove down their patient’s throat. They can train you how to insert an IUD on patients to cause an early abortion. They can even train you how to fudge your inspection logs…because they can’t have the inspectors finding out that they really don’t sterilize instruments properly! They can train you how to go into the schools and teach kindergarteners graphic sexual positions using stuffed animals. They can train you how to perform medical procedures that it’s actually illegal for you to perform without a license. I mean, the list is endless. If you want to learn how to completely disrespect the intelligence and integrity of women, Planned Parenthood is the place for you!

7. Do you have an internship program?

Oh yes. Internship programs are very important to Planned Parenthood. It is the best way to brainwash young, vulnerable women into becoming robots for the cause of “reproductive health.” You only want to show interns a good time…feed them pizza, take them on bus trips with tons of liquor, give them talking points so they can repeat them over and over again like a parrot, give them TONS of hot pink t-shirts (because let’s be honest, every gal loves hot pink), dress them up all professional-like and send them to the Capitol where they will walk around all day and do nothing (then you have to convince them that they just saved women’s rights), and finally, have them make up snazzy pro-choice chants, like “Hey, hey, mister, mister, Get your laws off my sister!” And for goodness sakes, don’t let them see the “real” part of what Planned Parenthood is about. They need these interns to see how “fun” Planned Parenthood is so they can share the good news and hot pink t-shirts with their friends!

8. Do most full-time positions require a specific degree?

Of course not. This is Planned Parenthood, not a medical clinic. Oh wait…it is a medical clinic. Well, they won’t worry about that. Licenses, certifications and degrees just get in the way, and those kinds of people require more money, and that is really inconvenient for their bottom line. No no. No degree needed to work at a Planned Parenthood facility. If you want to perform ultrasounds on a woman, no problem! You don’t even have to have a high school diploma to do that! They will just give you some on the job training (that lasts about an hour) and set you loose to perform transvaginal ultrasounds on women who come in. Want to draw blood? No certificate needed! You can just practice on your co-workers until you feel like you are “good enough” at sticking people. Want to take on that highly regarded position of POC technician? Well, you will have to earn that. Not just anyone can piece baby parts back together. But don’t worry, if you want to work in the recovery room and listen to women sob after their abortion is complete, you certainly don’t need any sort of education. Just keep your fingers crossed that no one starts to hemorrhage or has a serious medical complication since you aren’t trained in providing medical care. I’m sure they will eventually hear you screaming for a doctor once they turn the suction machine off. Whatever you do, just remember that you don’t call 911 at Planned Parenthood. That is really bad press with all of those anti-choice protestors outside. The abortion industry can’t have people thinking that abortion may actually be dangerous for women.

9. What types of questions do you typically ask in an interview?

They will ask how much you know about Planned Parenthood. They love it when people don’t know much about their organization. That gives them the opportunity to only tell you what they want you to hear. Basically, if you had enough wherewithal to show up to the interview and fill out the application on your own, you’ve got the job. No resume needed. No experience needed. Heck, you can even say that you are prolife. They will still hire you with the promise that you won’t ever have to work “in the back.” But they will eventually break that promise once they see that you are more comfortable with abortion.

10. Is it okay to bring up salary?

Sure! Planned Parenthood has TONS of money, so make sure you aim high. Killing babies for money brings in a huge profit; over half a billion dollars a year, to be more accurate. The other half a billion dollars they bring in comes from your tax money anyway! It’s totally acceptable to ask for some of that back in your hourly wage. There’s also some other perks that they may not mention during the interview. If you find yourself pregnant while working at Planned Parenthood, you can get a free abortion. That right there is savings of at least $400. If you find out that you contracted genital herpes, don’t worry about it. You can just illegally grab some pills from their back stash of medication. Don’t stress, everybody’s doing it. If they really didn’t want you to take it, they would lock up their meds like they are supposed to. If they try to low ball you, just remind them that you know how much money they bring in every year. And you can also let them know that Abby Johnson informed you about their $22 million dollar endowment that is just sitting in the bank gaining more than a half a million dollars in interest every year. You can also let them know that a little birdy (named Abby Johnson) told you that Warren Buffet gives them over $23 million dollars a year to provide abortion services. Show them that you are no dummy. They aren’t going to pull the wool over your eyes.

11. What’s a mistake people make in interviews all the time and don’t know it?

The biggest mistake you can make is showing up. This is NOT a place you want to work. Unfortunately, it took me eight years to figure that out. But you can be smarter than me. You can decide that Planned Parenthood is a corrupt and dirty organization that doesn’t deserve you before you even walk in their doors. No one grows up wanting to work in the abortion industry. And no matter how many pap smears they do, it will never make up for the more than 327,000 innocent children they killed just last year (not to mention the women they let die on their abortion clinic tables). You deserve better than Planned Parenthood. You deserve better than abortion.

If you currently work in the abortion industry and want out, please visit my website at www.abortionworker.com. We can help you leave.