How to Get Hired at Planned Parenthood. For Real.

Recently, Cosmopolitan Magazine, otherwise known as Planned Parenthood’s pimps, published yet another article promoting Planned Parenthood. This time, they interviewed a human resources manager. The reason? To give people advice on how to get hired at a Planned Parenthood facility.

My first thought was, “Wow. This is pathetic.” My second thought was, “Wow. They must be desperate for employees.”

I worked for a Planned Parenthood facility for eight years. I was the clinic director, so I was also responsible for hiring and firing employees. Human resource work was a daily part of my job.

This Cosmopolitan article was written in a Q&A format. I found some of Planned Parenthood’s answers to be a little less than honest. So, since I worked for Planned Parenthood for so long and ran the inside of their abortion and family planning clinics I thought I would offer more thorough and honest answers to people who may be seeking employment with the organization.

First, you should know that Planned Parenthood is the largest abortion provider in the United States alone, not to mention they have established other Planned Parenthood locations across the globe. This means that they are deliberately taking the lives of more people than any other entity in our country and in others across the globe. They say that it takes a certain amount of “passion” to work inside their organization, but really it only takes willful ignorance and the ability to pretend that you are helping women by killing their children.

Now for the questions.

1. What qualities do you look for in every candidate?

Planned Parenthood is looking for vulnerable people, primarily women, to work for them. They REALLY love single moms because they are desperate to put food on the table in order to make ends meet. This category of prospective candidate is typically willing to do almost anything to take care of their children, even if it means compromising their own morals.

Planned Parenthood is also interested in finding people that will stay long term with their organization because let’s be honest, former Planned Parenthood employees are incredibly willing to reveal all of the organizations corrupt practices, and that is REALLY annoying for them.

All this Planned Parenthood is interested in is finding timid people who will keep their mouths closed about the dirty things they witness there. Timidity is also important because if you do ever decide to leave, they will send a really threatening letter to your home stating that they will take you to court if you ever talk about what you have seen since working with their organization. They need that letter in order to scare you into being silent.

2. How often do you hire new people?

Planned Parenthood has one of the highest turnover rates in this country. So, the answer to that question is basically all of the time. People are constantly coming and going like a revolving door. You might be hired at a clinic, but after the first six months you could end up working with an entirely different group of people. So, I hope you’re not looking to get into this job to make friends. As soon as you get to know someone, they will leave. It’s a challenge to retain people when your job is to kill babies for a living.

3. What do you expect candidates to know about the company before an interview?

Honestly, you don’t have to know anything and you’re definitely not expected to know anything. They are so desperate for employees that they will usually just hire you right there on the spot. They can’t really take the risk being too picky anyway with their high turnover rates.

4. Where do you recruit candidates?

Planned Parenthood, being the bottom feeders they are, thrive off of vulnerable women. They usually do the majority of their recruiting from college campuses. If they can convince you to drop out of college and work for them full-time, then that is even better because you don’t actually need any type of degree to work for Planned Parenthood anyway (we will get to that in a minute). They also do a lot of recruiting in poor neighborhoods. Earlier I mentioned that they really like preying on single moms. They post bright colored ads in laundromats, community centers, WIC offices, Medicaid offices, etc. Wherever vulnerable women go, so too is where Planned Parenthood will be to try to sniff them out.

5. How do you use social media for recruiting potential employees?

They don’t. They only use social media to promote their false agenda and of course to promote all of these other groups that love abortion as much as they do. They won’t talk about abortion at all on social media. It’s all part of their game. It would be bad news for them if their followers decided to wake up and realize that Planned Parenthood is really only interested in pushing and selling abortion. Instead, they post about benign topics such as obtaining tax funded birth control or getting tested for STDs. But remember, according to Planned Parenthood’s booklet, “Healthy, Happy and Hot”. If you have an STD, even HIV, you totally don’t have to concern yourself with disclosing your status to anyone you plan to have sex with (See page 3).

6. What types of jobs are available for recent graduates?

Don’t worry, there are plenty of jobs to choose from. Let’s see, you could be trained by them on how to normalize abortion to women who come in for “options counseling.” You could be trained to become a POC (products of conception) technician, which consists of piecing the parts of aborted babies back together to ensure women don’t get a fatal infection.

You could also be trained on billing Medicaid for fraudulent charges and other federal and state programs. You can definitely be taught how to sell abortion better than a slick-haired used car salesman can sell you a clunker. You’ll even learn all of the fun lingo that comes with working in an abortion clinic. For example, the staff always jokes that POC stands for “parts of children” and the freezer where we stored all of the dead babies was called “the nursery.”

You will even be shown the way to completely dodge the risks of abortion, stating that they don’t want to “scare women” by revealing all of the facts to them. You will also be taught how to conveniently fail to mention all of the side effects from the hormonal birth control that they shove down their patient’s throat. They can train you the way to insert an IUD on their patients to cause an early abortion.

You can even learn from them how to fudge your inspection logs because it would cause a mess for them if the inspectors discovered that they’re not actually sterilizing the instruments properly. You could be trained by them on how to go into the schools and teach kindergarteners graphic sexual positions using stuffed animals. You could even have them train you on how to perform medical procedures that is pretty illegal for you to be performing without a license.

I mean, the list is endless. If you want to learn how to completely disrespect the intelligence and integrity of women then Planned Parenthood is the place for you!

7. Do you have an internship program?

Oh, yes. In fact, their internship programs are very important to Planned Parenthood. It’s the best way to brainwash young and vulnerable women into becoming robots for the cause of “reproductive health.” You only want to show interns a good time by feeding them pizza, taking them on bus trips that include tons of liquor, give them talking points so they can repeat them over and over again like a parrot, give them TONS of hot pink t-shirts (because let’s be honest, every gal loves hot pink), dress them up all professional-like and send them to the Capitol where they will walk around all day and do nothing (then you have to convince them that they just saved women’s rights), and finally, have them make up snazzy pro-choice chants, like “Hey, hey, mister, mister, Get your laws off my sister!”

But, let’s not show them the “real” Planned Parenthood and what they are really all about. They need these interns to see how “fun” Planned Parenthood is so they can share the good news and hot pink t-shirts with their friends!

8. Do most full-time positions require a specific degree?

No, of course not. This is Planned Parenthood, not some medical clinic. Oh, wait… it is a medical clinic. Well, they don’t concern themselves with the logistics pertaining to that. Licenses, certifications, and degrees only get in the way anyway. Not to mention that those kinds of people require more money and that is really inconvenient for their bottom line.

So, no. No degree needed to work at a Planned Parenthood facility. So, if you’re interested in performing ultrasounds on women, not a problem! You don’t even have to have a high school diploma to do that! They will provide some on the job training (that lasts about an hour) and then you’re all set to perform transvaginal ultrasounds on women who come in.

Do you want to draw blood? No certificate needed! Planned Parenthood is all about cutting out the middle-man regarding “health care”. You can just practice on your co-workers until you feel like you are “good enough” at sticking people.

Want to take on that highly regarded position of POC technician? Well, you will have to earn that. Not just anyone can piece baby parts back together. But, don’t worry because Planned Parenthood has more options for you like if you’re interested in working in the recovery room where you will listen to women sob after their abortion is complete. You definitely don’t need any sort of education.

Just keep your sight set on no one starting to hemorrhage or anyone that has a serious medical complication since you unqualified to be providing medical care. I’m sure they will eventually hear you screaming for a doctor once they turn the suction machine off, but whatever you do, just remember that you don’t call 911 at Planned Parenthood. That would be really bad press, especially with all of those anti-choice protestors outside. The abortion industry can’t have people thinking that abortion may actually be dangerous for women.

9. What types of questions do you typically ask in an interview?

They will ask how much you know about Planned Parenthood. They love it when people don’t know much about their organization. That gives them the opportunity to give you the information they want you to hear.

Basically, if you had enough coherency to show up to the interview and fill out the application by yourself, then the job is yours. No resume needed or experience needed. Heck, you can even say that you are prolife. They will still hire you with the promise that you won’t ever have to work “in the back,” but eventually they will break that promise once they see that you are more comfortable with abortion.

10. Is it okay to bring up salary?

Absolutely! Planned Parenthood has TONS of money, so make sure you aim high because killing babies for money brings in a huge profit; over half a billion dollars a year, to be more accurate. The other half a billion dollars they bring in comes from your tax money anyway! It’s totally acceptable to ask for some of that back in your hourly wage.

There’s also some other perks that they might not mention during the interview. If you happen to find yourself pregnant while working at Planned Parenthood, you can get a free abortion. That’s a savings of at least $400.

If you find out that you have contracted genital herpes, no worries. You can just illegally grab some pills from their back stash of medication. Don’t stress, everybody’s doing it. If they really didn’t want you to take it, they would lock up their meds like they are supposed to.

If they try to low ball you, just remind them that you know how much money they bring in every year. And, you can also let them know that Abby Johnson informed you about their $22 million dollar endowment that is just so happens to be sitting in the bank gaining more than a half a million dollars in interest every year. You can also let them know that a little birdy (named Abby Johnson) told you that Warren Buffet gives them over $23 million dollars a year to provide abortion services. It’s a great way to show them that you’re no dummy and they aren’t going to pull the wool over your eyes.

11. What’s a mistake people make in interviews all the time and don’t know it?

The biggest mistake you, or anyone you know, can make is showing up. This is NOT a place where you want to work. Unfortunately, it took me eight years to figure that out., but you can be smarter than me. You can decide that Planned Parenthood is a corrupt and disgusting organization that doesn’t deserve you before you even walk through their doors.

No one grows up wanting to work in the abortion industry. And, no matter how many pap smears they perform, the lives of the more than 327,000 innocent children that they killed only in the last year can never be replaced. The amount of people that have died at the hands of Planned Parenthood doesn’t even include the women they allow to die on their abortion tables. You deserve better than Planned Parenthood. You deserve better than abortion.

If you’re currently working in the abortion industry and want to leave, then please visit my website AbortionWorker. We can, and we will, help you leave.